Ok ladies,
I've been a long time away - my sincerest apologies - but my latest adventures in dating (or lack thereof) have brought me back.
PREFACE: I love immigrants. I am one. This country was built by them. I have nothing against accents, many people in my family/ family-friends have one.
I'm not sure about any of you girls, but my mom is FOREVER trying to set me up. In fact, everyone in my life is trying to set me up. And I'm totally fine with that! Bring it on! The only problem I have with this is that sometimes the guys Mom sends my way are an absolute NO from first glance. But I get the age-old rebuttal "You never know."
Well, guess what, sometimes you DO know.
Yes, it's true that sometimes you never know who you'll meet, or whether you'll hit it off with the guy, or whether the guy you said "No" to 500 times ended up being the one you said "I do" to.
And then there are those times where you actual do know. You know that you will walk into that date and the first thought that comes to mind is "When do I get to leave?" Don't get me wrong, I always still say yes. Every time my mom or sister or friend sends a guy my way, I always just say yes, because it's that nagging-one-in-a-million-chance feeling that maybe Mom might be right, and just maybe you might be wrong.
The first time I realized that sometimes you just do know was about a month ago. My sister's friend had a friend whom she wanted to introduce to me. "He's a nice guy." Ladies, almost as old as "You never know" is the age-old "He's a nice guy" line. We all know what that means. When someone tells you s/he has a "good personality" as the first thing they say, it means s/he isn't good looking.
So I looked at his profile pictures on Facebook and right away I said "No." And what did my sister say? Say it with me girls... "You never know." So I said, "Fine, Alisa, you're right. I don't know, go ahead and give him my phone number." (Sorry to throw you under the bus here Alisa, love you!)
We met at the Beehive in South End Boston, which is one of my favorite spots ever. And immediately I just knew that I couldn't wait for this date to be over. He wasn't just not attractive but I personally found him UNattractive. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since.
Ok, now I know what you all are thinking: that I'm mean and I'm shallow to be only concentrating on looks, that sometimes someone might not be good looking to you at first but grows on you, sometimes "You just never know."
To that, I say - sometimes you do just know. And furthermore, I'm not shallow, I'm just honest. I like to be physically attracted to my date/boyfriend, and if you say you don't, then you're lying.
So recently my mom calls me and says she has a friend who knows a friend who has a nice Jewish Russian guy in NYC who is VERY smart and comes from a VERY intelligent family, and went to Princeton and now works for IBM. I agree to see his picture, and when I see his picture and the resume attached (no lie, I got a resume), I realize he is OTB (Off The Boat.) Yes, I know, I know, I'm OTB too... 20+ years ago. And there is nothing wrong with being Fresh Off the Boat, but I'm just too Americanized at this point to really be interested in someone so foreign. Not hating at all - hello! these are my people! I love Russians. The more the merrier.
I call my mom back - God love her - and say "No Mom."
Mom: why not?
Queen Esther: Because he's like... RIGHT off the boat.
Mom: So? (... OK, she's got a point. Can't hate.)
Queen Esther: I don't know, he's not good looking, not someone I could hang out with...
Mom: You never know. So-and-So's son went to Russia for 6 months and met a nice girl there and brought her back to America. And Such-and-Such's daughter met her husband who was only in America for a year, and they are happily married. You could just be friends, or maybe he can introduce you to someone. YOU NEVER KNOW.
Ladies, I don't know how many of you have met my mom (greatest person on Earth, btw), but "No" is not a response you give her. Ever. So I agree to at least give this boy my phone number.
Tonight I was sitting eating dinner, watching Monday night's episode of Hart of Dixie (if you haven't started watching this show, DO IT), and I get a call from an unknown phone number. Thinking it might be about work, I pick up. In very broken English and very broken reception, I figure out it's this boy whose resume I've seen. We chat for a little bit, and God bless him, his English is broken at best, to the point where I can tell he is struggling. I say to him he can speak Russian if it's more comfortable for him - and we then switch to speaking Russian. We chat for a bit and then he asks me to get together this weekend.
I want to say "No." I really do, but I just can't. I think of my mom who would not be pleased with my response, and I can hear in the distance the faint echo "You never knowwww...." I agree to meet Saturday afternoon (not Saturday night - sorry Mom, I don't feel THAT bad).
So this Saturday afternoon, I will be getting lunch with Mom's friend's friend's friend of a friend because, as we've all heard before, YOU NEVER KNOW.
And maybe everyone is right - you do never know. Either way, I'm not risking it. Let Fate handle this one. Saturday around 1:00 pm I will let you all know whether you never know, or whether, sometimes you actually DO know.
