Ladies,
I am getting restless. I am reaching out to each of you in a request. Not a desperate one, but for the future of this "blog" and the future of my sanity, I pose (or POST) this to you all:
I am looking to go on dates. Think of one guy friend who is single and is willing to take out an amazing girl such as myself. This will be a new twist to this blog. Go out on dates of friends of (girl)friends.
I challenge each of you to come up with one guy, preferably who lives close to me (Providence, Boston, NYC) and set me up on a date. What's more fun than being a shadchen? (That's Yiddish for matchmaker.)
This sort of reminds me of the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie runs out of things to write about to needs to resort to writing about socks, and Samantha makes a fabulous pun - SOCKS and the City. Don't worry, I will not be writing about the new socks I recently bought.
Looking for responses (email is fine). Over and out.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Beyond Level 1: The Bonzai Tree Incident
So there's this guy I've gone out with several times. We went out a few times my first year of law school (2 years ago), and a few times last year, and a few times this year. It never really went anywhere, and neither of us were both very into the whole thing, but this last time I figured it was time to take it to the second level.
There are three levels when you are dating someone or interested in dating someone.
Level 1: YOU. You see a guy and determine if you like him. You go on a few dates, determine you like him enough, and this could potentially go somewhere. On to Level 2.
Level 2: YOUR FRIENDS. Ok, so you've gone out enough times with the guy to determine you like him enough. But now you need to see if your friends like him, he likes your friends, if you mesh well, etc. Personally, if my friends don't like the guy I'm dating, it's a red flag. (Partly because my friends are amazing, and partly because I trust their judgment.) Your friends like him, on to Level 3.
Level 3: Now this is the BIG ONE - FAMILY! Once you've determined that you like him, your friends like him, it's now time to introduce him to your parents/brother/sister, etc. Personally, with a Jewish mother, this part can be as nerve-racking for me as it is for the guy. Good luck! But this is the ultimate test. If your family likes the guy, then he's in. If your family doesn't, then you're in trouble, or in for a loooooong tough relationship.
So this guy I had been dating, Jake, had made it past Level 1. I decided that my birthday would be the perfect time to take it to Level 2. This year for my birthday I kept it low-key, nothing crazy, just a few friends at a local bar. I talk to Jake a few days before my birthday and suggest we hang out just the 2 of us first, then meet up with all of my friends. He thinks this idea is "perfect."
My birthday rolls around, and I don't hear from him all day. I decide not to sit around waiting, so my sister and I go shopping (obviously), and then have dinner with my brother-in-law. Around 4:30 pm Jake calls, and asks me what I'm doing, and what my plans are for later. I say that I'm shopping, and I'm meeting up with my friends at a local bar. He sounds apprehensive and says, "Oh, um, I thought you were going into Boston to go out. Ok, well, text me the name of the place and... I'll call you later." Right. Sounds promising.
Later on, as I'm about to head out for the night, I get a text from him explaining that he probably won't come out because he really wanted to drink tonight, and can't find a ride to the bar and has no way of getting there. Uh huh. Right. It's a 10 minute ride/ $15 cab ride, but he needs to drink. I don't let it bother me.
I'm at the bar, with my friends, having a good time, when Jake starts texting me. "I'm so sorry, I feel so bad, I really blew it, yadda yadda."
Now you're probably thinking that I was upset about this whole thing. But to be honest, because I was never head-over-heels for this guy, I actually wasn't upset at all. So I decide that I'm over the whole thing, and it's time to move on from this guy. It's been 2.5 years since we've met, and nothing has happened, it's gone no where, time to stop wasting time.
The next night, I receive a phone call from him. I must give him credit - he apologized the way a true apology should go: no "I'm sorry, but...", no "I'm sorry you feel that way, but...". Just a simple, heart-felt, true apology. He said that it would be awkward with my friends because he didn't know anyone, so that's why he didn't come out. I explained to him that my friends are great, they wouldn't have just left him sitting there by himself, and besides, it's not about last night. It's about the fact that we made plans and he didn't call all day. And, after 2 years, he has never really shown much interest. True, it takes 2 to tango, and I'm not completely innocent here. If I really liked him, I probably would have shown more interest.
Normally, when someone apologizes like that I usually feel so badly that I give them one more chance. I give people the B of the D (benefit of the doubt). But this time I needed to put my foot down. I wasn't feeling him, I wasn't excited about him, so it was time to end it. We said goodbye, and hopefully we'll hear from each other in the future. And I thought that would be it...
The following day, Jake sends me a text asking for my address. Sure enough, the following week I get a large box in the mail from ProFlowers. I open it up to find a bonzai tree and a stuffed panda bear, with a note saying this was my belated birthday/apology gift, and that everytime I look at it, he hopes I think of him and find a way to forgive him.
It was a really sweet gesture. Unbeknownst to him, I would have preferred 1-2 dozen pink roses, or any other plant that's already dead. I can't keep plants alive, and bonzai trees are the 2nd hardest plant to keep alive (aside from orchids). Poor Jake, he doesn't know.
This got me thinking (per usual). He sent me a very nice gift as an apology, and wants me to give him a second chance. I thought about it: if I wasn't that excited about him before, what would change now? I came to the conclusion that I was still done with him.
But then I talked to my dad, and he asked me if I was SURE I was done with him. He said that sometimes guys don't show their emotions very well, until it's too late. Good guys are hard to come by. So obviously this got me thinking... again...
And now here I am, back to square one. Thinking. Did I make the right decision? Did I blow him off too easily? Do I brush guys off too easily in general?
I leave the comments open to you girls. In the meantime, I have to go water my bonzai tree, Daniel-Son.
There are three levels when you are dating someone or interested in dating someone.
Level 1: YOU. You see a guy and determine if you like him. You go on a few dates, determine you like him enough, and this could potentially go somewhere. On to Level 2.
Level 2: YOUR FRIENDS. Ok, so you've gone out enough times with the guy to determine you like him enough. But now you need to see if your friends like him, he likes your friends, if you mesh well, etc. Personally, if my friends don't like the guy I'm dating, it's a red flag. (Partly because my friends are amazing, and partly because I trust their judgment.) Your friends like him, on to Level 3.
Level 3: Now this is the BIG ONE - FAMILY! Once you've determined that you like him, your friends like him, it's now time to introduce him to your parents/brother/sister, etc. Personally, with a Jewish mother, this part can be as nerve-racking for me as it is for the guy. Good luck! But this is the ultimate test. If your family likes the guy, then he's in. If your family doesn't, then you're in trouble, or in for a loooooong tough relationship.
So this guy I had been dating, Jake, had made it past Level 1. I decided that my birthday would be the perfect time to take it to Level 2. This year for my birthday I kept it low-key, nothing crazy, just a few friends at a local bar. I talk to Jake a few days before my birthday and suggest we hang out just the 2 of us first, then meet up with all of my friends. He thinks this idea is "perfect."
My birthday rolls around, and I don't hear from him all day. I decide not to sit around waiting, so my sister and I go shopping (obviously), and then have dinner with my brother-in-law. Around 4:30 pm Jake calls, and asks me what I'm doing, and what my plans are for later. I say that I'm shopping, and I'm meeting up with my friends at a local bar. He sounds apprehensive and says, "Oh, um, I thought you were going into Boston to go out. Ok, well, text me the name of the place and... I'll call you later." Right. Sounds promising.
Later on, as I'm about to head out for the night, I get a text from him explaining that he probably won't come out because he really wanted to drink tonight, and can't find a ride to the bar and has no way of getting there. Uh huh. Right. It's a 10 minute ride/ $15 cab ride, but he needs to drink. I don't let it bother me.
I'm at the bar, with my friends, having a good time, when Jake starts texting me. "I'm so sorry, I feel so bad, I really blew it, yadda yadda."
Now you're probably thinking that I was upset about this whole thing. But to be honest, because I was never head-over-heels for this guy, I actually wasn't upset at all. So I decide that I'm over the whole thing, and it's time to move on from this guy. It's been 2.5 years since we've met, and nothing has happened, it's gone no where, time to stop wasting time.
The next night, I receive a phone call from him. I must give him credit - he apologized the way a true apology should go: no "I'm sorry, but...", no "I'm sorry you feel that way, but...". Just a simple, heart-felt, true apology. He said that it would be awkward with my friends because he didn't know anyone, so that's why he didn't come out. I explained to him that my friends are great, they wouldn't have just left him sitting there by himself, and besides, it's not about last night. It's about the fact that we made plans and he didn't call all day. And, after 2 years, he has never really shown much interest. True, it takes 2 to tango, and I'm not completely innocent here. If I really liked him, I probably would have shown more interest.
Normally, when someone apologizes like that I usually feel so badly that I give them one more chance. I give people the B of the D (benefit of the doubt). But this time I needed to put my foot down. I wasn't feeling him, I wasn't excited about him, so it was time to end it. We said goodbye, and hopefully we'll hear from each other in the future. And I thought that would be it...
The following day, Jake sends me a text asking for my address. Sure enough, the following week I get a large box in the mail from ProFlowers. I open it up to find a bonzai tree and a stuffed panda bear, with a note saying this was my belated birthday/apology gift, and that everytime I look at it, he hopes I think of him and find a way to forgive him.
It was a really sweet gesture. Unbeknownst to him, I would have preferred 1-2 dozen pink roses, or any other plant that's already dead. I can't keep plants alive, and bonzai trees are the 2nd hardest plant to keep alive (aside from orchids). Poor Jake, he doesn't know.
This got me thinking (per usual). He sent me a very nice gift as an apology, and wants me to give him a second chance. I thought about it: if I wasn't that excited about him before, what would change now? I came to the conclusion that I was still done with him.
But then I talked to my dad, and he asked me if I was SURE I was done with him. He said that sometimes guys don't show their emotions very well, until it's too late. Good guys are hard to come by. So obviously this got me thinking... again...
And now here I am, back to square one. Thinking. Did I make the right decision? Did I blow him off too easily? Do I brush guys off too easily in general?
I leave the comments open to you girls. In the meantime, I have to go water my bonzai tree, Daniel-Son.
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