It's All About the Chutzpah

Several weeks ago I told my best friend Carissa that I was ready to quit this stupid blog, that I wasn't getting any dates, and that I'm wasting my time. She wisely advised that I shouldn't quit, and to try something new - perhaps start asking guys out. Whether they say Yes or No, it will still make for a good blog.

Boy was I glad I took Carissa's advice! My date last night is the exact reason I started this blog. As Pamela said, I'm finally "bloggable."

His name was Jordan. A cute Jewish guy with darker features and smart-but-not-dorky glasses. I met him at a fashion line launching I went to last week with my cousin. After many free 42Below vodka drinks, I mustered the courage to ask him if he'd like to get drinks sometime. He handed me his business card (to impress me? for efficiency?) and I played the game and waited 2 days before calling him. It was right before the long weekend so I offered to get together after the weekend. Jordan said he'd call me.

Sure enough, as I am heading to my date Tuesday evening, I get a text from Jordan to meet up for drinks. I asked him if he had a preferred location, to which he responded "26th and 6th - Black Door @ 7 pm." I would be there.

So last night, I get to the bar late, but earlier than him, so I wait a little bit. Clearly I don't order a drink because then I might actually have to pay for it. Finally Jordan arrives, and we start chatting, get a drink, the usual.

The convo is NOT flowing like Dunkies iced coffee on a hot summer day. He's not laughing at any of my lame jokes (not even laughing at me - which is just as good as laughing with me).

We do the usual "interview questions": where are you from (Miami), how old are you (25), where did you go to undergrad (Southern Univ. of Florida), what do you do (real estate broker), what do your parents do (dad is a lawyer who represented Sug Knight when he sued Kanye West for getting shot up in da club. In fact, Jordan sat in depositions with Kanye and claims he's a "nice guy.")

Oh, also, Jordan claims to have met Anna Chapman or whatever that Russian spy's name is, got her number, then she got busted, so CNN and NY Times have been trying to get him to interview. Uh huh... sure.

Wait, ladies, I'm just getting to the good part - the REAL GOOD PART.

So yadda yadda, we're talking, and all of a sudden he asks me what I want to do after, get another drink, orrrr go up to his apartment to see the amazing view? Well clearly I wasn't going up to his apartment (it was right near this bar) - I've seen plenty of good views of NYC.

Then he asks me why I asked him out - and where I saw this whole thing going. I told him obviously I thought he was cute enough, and who the heck knows where this will go - Bella getting some grandbabies? I didn't know how to answer. So I asked him where HE thought this could go... to which he replied (wait for it, wait for it, wait for it...) "Some sex, a fun one night stand."

Aaaaaarrreee you serious?!

Esther: No thank you.
Jordan: You know, even nice girls are whores some times.
Esther: Ummm wow, I'm pretty sure you just called me a whore.

(Now, I know most of you at this point would have jetted outta there faster than if they declared ALL THINGS FREE @ MARSHALL'S, but I was intrigued - I knew I needed to stay and at LEAST get a good blog out of this one.)

Jordan: No, no. I'm just saying, most girls think they are whores if they have one night stands.
Esther: Well I'm not going to have a one night stand with you.
Jordan: I just want to see if that dress slips off as easily as it slips on.

(I'm serious about this - these words ACTUALLY came out of his mouth.)

Eventually, he comes 'round the little bar table we were sitting at, and starts rubbing my back and trying to kiss me - so awkward.

He sat back down (thank God), and we continue to talk about something random. And as you all probably know, I talk with my hands which sometimes presents problems when I'm holding a wine glass in my hand. I hit the bottom of the glass and I spill wine on myself, to which is says (wait for it, wait for it): "Look at that, I'm already getting you wet."

(Again, this is NOT a lie or a fabrication, this is a DIRECT QUOTE.)

Luckily, before this part of the convo started, I told him that I was meeting a friend in Brooklyn at 9:30 pm so I wouldn't be able to stay much longer. This was my get-out-jail card to play.

He kept talking about his amazing view and that I should really come up, and we should have a one night stand.

At last, the date ended. As we were paying the tab, he said "Maybe next time if you sleep with me I'll let you pay." Uhhh, "next time"? Will there even be a next time?
I mean, what is the protocol with this little project - I have to say yes to every date within reason - but do I have to say yes to a second date??

We were hugging goodbye and he asked for a kiss on the cheek - I knew he would try to kiss me so I politely declined. Jordan asked one more time for me to come up, ya know, just in case I had changed my mind in the last 5-7 minutes, and asked if we could do this again. (Did he think that I don't sleep with a guy one Date #1, but I do on Date #2??) Yeah, maybe we can.

We parted ways. And all I could think was "Wow, I can't wait to blog about this one!"

By the way, I should let you all know that this Jordan fellah wasn't a creeper (in the traditional sense), was a cute, smart, Jewish guy with a successful career and well-to-do family. He just had some chutzpah to ask me to sleep with him on the first date.

I guess it all comes down to chutzpah - Yiddish word for "balls." I had chutzpah and asked a guy out. Jordan had chutzpah to say all those things to me and seriously mean it. BA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!